• If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat.
• Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
• A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
• If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
• Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.