I grew up in a religious household but, in my current life, I am not religious and am a non-believer. We do celebrate Hindu festivals as a tradition (food and merriment) but not their religious aspects. Two weeks ago, when my father passed away my bother and I rushed back to India to be with my mother. When I learned about all the religious ceremonies I was expected to participate in as the elder son, I was in two minds. I didn’t want to do all that as I no longer believed in it. At the same time, my dad was moderately religious and although we never talked about it, he would have wanted me to do all the rituals for him. Also, I didn’t want my uncles, aunts and other relatives to say to my mom (or behind her back) that her kids didn’t do any of this for their father to ensure his safe passage into the afterlife.

After some thought, I decided to go through with all the prescribed rituals on 5th, 10th, 12th and 13th day after my dad’s passing. The 13th day marks the end of the grieving period with a big meal with family and friends. It is time to move on even though the void left by loss of a loved one is hard to fill. As I look back at the process, I am glad that I did all that. It was good to have this schedule of events. It helped with the grieving process by providing it a structure rather than us just sitting around and not feel like doing anything.

As I talked with friends and relatives, I found a silver lining to this shocking loss. Even with some age-related issues, my dad was mobile till the end and was proud that he took care of himself. He passed away peacefully in sleep with no sign of pain or suffering. I think one has to be very fortunate (lot of good karma) to go like this. I hope for the same when my time comes.